So Happy Christmas…

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

Its pushing midnight here on Christmas Eve and I’m sitting in the bed in the guest room at my dad’s house in Iowa thinking about life and family and about a million other things.  And, as I send text messages to my friends that are returned with little electronic alien noises to my phone, the thing that springs to mind is something I read on the back of a water bottle a while ago.  According to this study, if you feel thirsty then it’s a sign that you’re already getting dehydrated.  This means that we spend most of our lives actually being thirsty and not even knowing it…so basically we should be drinking water all the time.

I can see why whatever water company I was supporting spent money on having this printed on their bottles; this is great for their business.  However, I can’t help but thinking how this is such a universal thing.  If this applies to something as basic as water intake, how far does it really stretch?

For example, if I come to the realization that I’m ridiculiously happy, this probably means it’s something that’s been building.  I’ve really been moderately happy for some time.  On the other hand, if I find myself desperately lonely, I’ve most likely been somewhat lonely for a while.

I’m thinking about this because this is where I find myself.  It’s Christmas Eve, and I’ve spent most of the day being sick with a cold and reading other people’s Christmas blogs.  Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places but I feel somehow like I’ve missed something.  It seems like bloggers fall into one of two categories on Christmas:

1. “I f*^king hate everyone and the entire holiday season. Pass the vodka.”

2. “I love Jesus and I’m spending this wonderful season with my perfect family and dear friends, all of whom happen to live in one town.”

This is really not working for me.  Yes, I hate the holiday season (pass the vodka).  Yes, I think Christmas is supposed to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus.  And no, I don’t have a real family to speak of or friends who all live in one place to celebrate with.  Which is how I find myself sitting alone on Christmas Eve, reminding myself that I really do have awesome friends but you don’t get to choose your family.  Don’t get my wrong, I love my dad, but my family is anything but festive and cheerful and loving.  Some things are never easy.

So, Happy Christmas.  To you, to me, to everyone I love so much.  And here’s to New Year’s Eve next week!

Older Chests

Some things in life may change
And some things
They stay the same

Like time, there’s always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I’ll be fine
Just give me time

Since leaving North Carolina time has had a weird effect on me.  Its never what I think it will be, and for whatever reason, I can never keep track of days here.  Maybe its Georgia.  Maybe I’ve changed.  Maybe its nothing.  But it feels weirder, that’s for sure.

H is for Home

Iowa

There is a part of me that actually yearns for this landscape.  The emptiness of the land, the wide-open sky.  A small part of me will always feel at home in the Midwest.  Just a small part, though.  I was sitting at a cafe today with Rose and had to ask her to decipher the Midwestern-ness of the menu.  I’ve had to do this in the South as well.  I guess that’s something I don’t really think about all that often anymore: I’m not actually from anywhere.  Sure, I’ve lived places.  29 places, to be exact.  But I’m not from any of them.

Maybe that’s a good thing, though.  In theory, this means I can make my home anywhere I want.

So…where do I want it to be?

Welcome to Ohio, The Great Potato State

I’m currently in Cherokee, IA, home of cows, corn, cold weather…and my dad.  As I type this I’m burrowing under flannel sheets, 2 blankets, a duvet, a quilt, and an electric blanket.  And I’m not all that warm.  Today’s high was -3 (F), and the rest of the week isn’t exactly looking much better:

Monday: 9/9

Tuesday: 22/0

Wednesday: 9/-4

Thursday: 23/13

Friday: 31/13

This does not include windchills.  And yes, Katharine, I know you’re used to this kind of crap and think I’m a total wimp.  I don’t care.  This is freaking cold!

I was on the phone with Nick earlier, trying to explain to him just how cold it is here.

Nick: How’s Iowa? Is it cold?

Me: Freezing! The high today is -3.

Nick: Seriously? How is that even possible?

Me: I’m standing in the bathroom right now and there’s ice inside the windows.

Nick: Do your parents not have heat?

Me: No, they have heat, and it’s on.  It’s just that cold.

Nick: Can you bottle that and bring it back just so I know what it feels like?

Me: You know when you’re camping and it’s so cold you can’t feel your feet and your skin actually hurts? It’s like that.  Only it just takes about 3 seconds of exposure to make it happen.

Nick: It’s like 50 here.

I Do This to Myself

Currently:

• trying to finish Christmas presents for Daisha and Katie
• packing to leave tomorrow for 2 very different climates
• trying to finish this book I borrowed from Emily
• cleaning the house
• remembering to eat
• being very tired since I went to bed as the sun was coming up
• wishing Jovie could pack her own stuff

I have time for a nap…right?

I Win.

In spite of everything that happened this semester, I still managed to pull a great GPA.  I submitted my abstract for the Conference of the Americas.  I’m submitting for the Mandala journal.  The students I tutored did well on their finals.  I have amazing friends.  My job isn’t completely horrible.  And, in three days I’m heading west for Christmas break to see more of my amazing friends.

I’m happy.

And, as an added bonus, I win.

This is Getting Ridiculous

I wake up this morning to the following note:

Jos,

Please do something about the recycling in the dining room. It stresses me out! Plus, I want to have a friend over and it is embarrassing.  Sorry for bother.

Now, overlooking the fact that my name is misspelled, we have had this conversation multiple times.  She is fully capable of taking out the recycling if it bothers her that much, I even drew her a map to where the drop off place is.  And now, in a sick twist of fate, she’s stopped talking to me.

Why, oh why, do I always get the roommates who are completely nuts?

P.S. I have to spend this afternoon writing her a list of things she needs to take care of over break, things that I know she will forget.  Please see below.

Rent is due on Jan 1st.  The amount is $_______, and it needs to be sent to this address:______________.  I’ve left you a stamped envelope and a diagram of how the check needs to be written.  You can leave it in the bottom of the brass mailbox downstairs and it will get picked up.  Please try to leave it there around the 27th so it will get there on time.

Internet/Phone and Electric bills are sent to me via email.  I pay them online and email you the amount that you owe me.  Please have it when I get back next month.

This is the holiday season, which means it’s super important to lock the doors.  Several times this semester I’ve come home after midnight and you’ve been asleep  and the doors have not just been unlocked but wide open.  Please remember to close and lock them every night.

Because we live in the South, it isn’t that cold here over Christmas break.  This means we still get bugs (i.e. the giant spider Nick had to kill last week).  Putting all food away and taking out the trash will help keep this from happening.

I will be home on the 3rd or 4th, so I will see you then, I hope you have a great break!

She is going to be completely insulted at this note, so I’m choosing to email it to her and leave the additional materials on the table.  Yeah, I don’t feel like dealing with one more thing this semester.  I just want a freaking break from being her babysitter/counselor/punching bag.

The End.

It’s done!

Every single thing that is due this calendar year is in!

All that’s standing between me and sleep is a day at work tomorrow!

And then I finally get to sleep in! And clean my house! And take out the recycling!

Yeah, it’s sad that I’m excited about those last two things.

A: Time.

Just because it hurts less doesn’t mean it’s stopped hurting.

Time fixes everything, right?

THIS Close!

I’m so close to being done!!

All my required work is in!!!

All I have left to do is an abstract for a conference, and that’s due tomorrow!

AND I got some grades back, so far so good… :)

I’m so happy that I actually spent all day yesterday helping Nick move to an awesome new place and didn’t even whine when I ripped my nails apart trying to tear down his futon.  (Although now my entire body aches, ugh)

Good Think I Got Rid of my Earth Shoes…

Vince: I’m wearing this super cute black shirt with a silver bird printed on it.  And grey jeans.  I look good.

Me: I’m wearing jeans that I just noticed are a little too short.  And a turquoise shirt with a tree on it, but the tree is all stained glass looking, with a lot of colors in it.

Vince: Um, wow.  You really were a hippy child weren’t you?

Me: You’re lucky I’m not wearing a hemp necklace.  Besides, I’ll change if I’m going anywhere besides the library today.

Vince: Right…How old are you, again?

Me: Um, 25…?

Vince: This has to change, it’s long overdue.

Midnight Questions

Does being in grad school render me too old/educated to have Spark Notes be the link that ties my entire paper together? (I’m not actually citing it, but it helped me understand a book to the point where I can now write on it.)

Why is it that I can read people so well ONLY when it has nothing to do with me?  And, why can I never take my own advice?

Why do I have the attention span of a newborn gnat this semester, after I was so excited to go back to school?

Where did half of my DVD collection go? Not to mention my CDs…

Why do I have to wait until July to get a dog when I’ve found the one I want now?

And finally, why is it 50 degrees out there after midnight halfway through December?

Destination Unknown

Where can I go to get away from my life? Any suggestions/couches up for grabs/free plane tickets? Because I am in desperate need of a break!!

Embers

“‘…Do you also believe that what gives our lives their meaning is the passion that suddenly invades us heart, soul, and body, and burns in us forever, no matter what else happens in our lives?  And that if we have experienced this much, then perhaps we haven’t lived in vain?  Is passion so deep and terrible and magnificent and inhuman?  Is it indeed about desiring any one person, or is it about desiring desire itself?  That is the question.  Or perhaps, it is indeed about desiring a particular person, a single, mysterious other, once and for always, no matter whether that person is good or bad, and the intensity of our feelings bears no relation to that individual’s qualities or behavior?  I would like an answer, if you can…’”

Sandor Marai

…And Now I Feel Guilty

I just called (well, emailed actually) in sick because I’m not done with these damn papers.  In my defense, the reason I’m not done is because I actually was filthy sick for three days.  Also, I decided getting an A in this class is worth the measly $30 I’m going to lose by not working all day.

So why do I feel so stinking guilty?  (Note to self: get boundaries.)