Peachy Votes

I voted!  Some of you would approve of who I voted for.  Some of you would stop talking to me for who I voted for.  None of you will ever know.  That’s right, I’ve adopted an a-political stance.  I’m not discussing political particulars with anyone.  I am, however, still open to discussing political theory and/or history.  That means that I don’t mind conversing on Marxism or the Mayflower, but the moment we veer into socialized health care or Sarah Palin’s kids I’m out.  Keep on talking, that’s fine with me.  Politics just aren’t worth losing friends over.

To that end, allow me to make a request.  Please, if you hate America enough to bitch about it daily in my viscinity, allow me to remind you that no one is making you stay here.  I’m sure there are other countries out there in which you could reside.  I know China is always looking for English teachers.  And hey, Cuba has a blanket health care policy.  So does Canada for that matter.  Oh, and if you’re not actually from this country, you seriously have no room to complain.  If you really hate the U.S., you probably shouldn’t be waiting on pins and needles to get that Green Card so you don’t have to go back to [insert name of war-torn nation here] where you stand a fair chance of getting killed.  Yes, we, like every other nation in the history of the world, have problems.  Yes, we might not be able to fix them immediately.  Yes, you might not love it here.  If you don’t like it, fix it or find somewhere you like better.  And either way, pray for change in the future.

…And I’m off my soapbox for the day.

When does it get good?

Nick: How was your weekend?

Me: Don’t ask.

Nick: C’mon.

Me: I found out for sure that everything was a complete lie.

Nick: This is like a movie.  You know, like in a romantic comedy how it’s all awful before it gets good.

Me: When does it get good?

The Darker Side of NyQuil

Me: (answering the phone) Can I call you back? I’m talking to you online right now.

Katharine: (crackle) sh, (crackle) i, (crackle), (mumble)

Me: Katharine, I have no idea what you’re saying, I can’t hear you.

Katharine: (slurring) Sorry, I took NyQuil, and holding the phone up to my ear was too hard so i wedged it between my head and the pillow.  Is this better?

Me: Much. Now, what were you saying?

Katharine: I woke up last night and crashed into the wall on the way to the bathroom.

Me: Did your roommates move the wall again?

Katharine: Huh?

Me: I’m sorry you got hit in the head.

Katharine: (groans)

Me: If it makes you feel any better, I was trying to turn off the space heater last night and burned my fingers so many times that I would up just pulling it out of the wall.  And then I remembered there was a remote for it.

Katharine: (laughs) I sound stoned.

Me: You remember that episode of That 70s Show where they record everything they say in the circle and play it back later and realize its all stupid?

Katharine: I know, that’s what I sound like.

Me: Yeah….

A Surreal Life

The weather here today is beautiful! The sky is blue, there’s a light breeze, and its just chilly enough that my toes are cold.  I love fall.  It seems ironic to me that the season which strikes me the deepest is the one that represents the aging and dying of nature.  I grew up in Nebraska, we didn’t really have fall there; it pretty much went from really hot to really cold without much in the way of foliage fanfaire.  Maybe that’s why living here, where fall lasts from October to December, is all the more surreal to me.  I’ve been living in this area for about 18  months now, and the entire time I’ve felt like a foreign exchange student.  Nevermind that I’m in my own country or that my adopted home is only about 250 miles from here, this place doesn’t feel like it’s mine, like someplace I can come home to.  It feels temporal, foreign, unreal, and strange.  Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.  Maybe we’re not meant to feel at home here because this isn’t all there is.

Anything Good

Anything good is everything and nothing.  That seems like I’m meaning for it to sound profound, but that’s really not my intention.  It’s just something I’ve been thinking about today.  Our lives fall into one of two categories: they are either everything to us and take up brain space and time and energy (i.e. thinking) , or they are nothing and they simply fall to the side and that’s the end of them (i.e. being).

I need less everything and more nothing.

Less thinking, more being.

Mtn.-Us

There’s this blog that I get feed from, and this was on there recently.  I feel like it does a good job encapsulating how I feel about things.

…And then there was one time a few weeks ago when a friend and I were on a drive. I remember looking at the horizon ahead, and seeing nothing but trees. As far to the left and to the right as I could see, it was nothing but big, tall, intimidating, beautiful trees – except for one, tiny four lane interruption. The highway, even miles and miles ahead, was almost creating a rift in the way that things are supposed to be. Maybe it was a fit of some ancient nostalgia, or maybe I’m hopelessly childish, but in that moment I squinted an eye and lifted my thumb up. I placed it over the road and over the divide of the trees, and felt so content. It was a beautiful experience for me…

I miss mountains.

It’s. My. Life.

It took me roughly a quarter of a century to realize that I’ve spend this entire time living my life for everyone in the world except myself.  I’ve spent months, years even, trying to make sure that other people were happy.

That’s not what its about, is it?

I’m done.  I’m doing what I need to do, even if it doesn’t make other people happy.

Because that makes me happy.  And sometimes, that’s really what it’s about.

Right As Rain

Headed north for Becky’s funeral.

Somehow this incessent rain seems appropriate.

The Happy List

chilly air

the smell of clean laundry

dogs

crunchy fall leaves

good conversations

laughter

laying in the sun in a hammock

having my head rubbed

books that leave you wanting more

color

watching good movies with my friends

drinking tea

candles that smell good

fresh cut grass

views from mountaintops

maps

coffee

disembarking from airplanes in foreign countries

having pretty toenails

problem solving

watching crowds of people in a city

horseback riding at night

thunderstorms

star-gazing

finding pictures in clouds

the way books smell

taking long showers

creating things

giving people presents

flowers

the sound of train wistles in the middle of the night

The Middle

A general message to everyone currently dragging me into their shit:

STOP.

I can’t sleep or keep food down as it is.  And this is getting old.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for this handy turn-around.  It’s awesome that you expect me to fix your lives, but when mine falls apart I get nothing.

Super.

If you’re not going to help, leave me the fuck alone.

Yup!

Hells yes! Going to AVL next weekend! I was going to drive there today and then I remembered that I’m in the middle of midterms.  Sometimes I forget that I’m in school…

Well That’s Just Disheartening

I just found out that one of my favorite authors is being all politically vocal.  This is a brief message to all those people with sway out there (authors, teachers, celebrities, etc.):  Stop telling us how to think and what to believe.  I’m sure every one of you has a soapbox of some sort, but try to keep it to yourself.

Cough. Bono. Cough.

Desperately Seeking AVL

It was all chilly this morning and I woke up longing for the mountains, the crisp air, the encroaching trees…I want to be able to put on a down vest, fill up my Nalgene, and trail my way up a mountaintop [without getting winked at by other girls].

Why is it that the places we run away from are so often the same places we wish to be?

A Note on Translation

Babelfish is not for the faint of heart.  However, it is especially helpful when you desire to be misunderstood in multiple languages.

Une question : pourquoi Français? et cowboy…?

Knowing

Do you ever have moments where you just know something? Where all the rational explanations in the world would do nothing to sway this knowledge?  Where clarity suddenly smacks you across the face so hard you know you’ll have a red mark for days?

Unfortunately, the experience of this new-found knowledge does nothing to alleviate the sting of its abrupt arrival.

It has been a day like that.  And not in the way you might imagine.  Clarity can come in the most opaque packages…